I try not to bitch about all of this too much because I'm sure no one wants to hear it and by now is damn tired of it but today you get to hear/read it. If you don't want to skip ahead.I had to take an assload of pills for the last couple weeks. The pain is a daily thing and worse then ever. There is no way in hell I will have enough pills to last me until the end of the month. I have no idea what I will do. Even trying to ration them out means feeling like shit for the next couple weeks. What a great thing to look forward to. My neurologist is still out on vacation so no progress on the appeal front. I now start and end everyday feeling like a basket case. I'm totally stressed over this and have no control over when it will end. I don't even know if we can change their minds and get them to approve the surgery. My pain is at an all time high. I'm probably addicted to my fucking pain pills at this point and the next step up is opiates and we all know if I'm not addicted now I sure as hell will be then. I had injections again last Thursday and hurt like hell for almost three days. The last two I have lost some of the overall soreness and am back to the usual headaches and neck pain. Its so hard to even get out of bed much less try to go on living and working. I feel like a freak having an anxiety attack inside my head most of the time or get hit with a big fat wave of depression. My memory is shit. I have been late to work the last two days and that's so not me. I'm sure at this point I am rambling and repeating myself because I can't remember what I just typed. Fuck me.
We have a kitten at our house that I REALLY want to keep. She's a little bite of everything thrown into one as far as her coat/color go. She was brought into our clinic and dumped. The office manager felt sorry for her and has paid for her vaccines and care to this point. We haven't been able to find her a home yet and she can't keep her so she set things up for her to go to the local animal shelter. The SPCA is full and won't take any new animals. She had to set up an appointment for her to go to the shelter for Thursday and when she called to see if she could bring the kitten in a day earlier she was told it would be $50 if she brought her in any day other then the one she is scheduled for. She has to do work shit in Dallas and can't make it over there while they are open. I told her I would take the kitten home and take her in on Thursday for her. In the mean time I will try to find her a home. I really don't want to take her to the shelter. I don't even know if they will send her along where she can be adopted out or if she will be put down. And the whole reason my boss did all this was to increase her chances of finding a good home. Nevermind the part about me falling in love with her. : ) Anyway, if you know anyone that wants a kitten please tell them about her. UPDATE: We are going to foster her until we find her a home. I just couldn't take her to the shelter not knowing if she would go onto the SPCA for adoption or be put down because of space issues.
2 comments:
I'm sorry about all the crap you are going through. But I know it will get resolved. (just never soon enough)
From my experience, I remember how painful my third round of chemo was. It really sucked and the meds barely touched the pain. I started to fear that the rest of my life would be like that.
But like all things, it passed. No, it wasn't fun, but I made it through and so will you.
Try and keep in good spirits and remember that you have a lot of people that love you.
You summed it up exactly. "I started to fear the rest of my life would be like that." That is what is really freaking me out the most. The fear that it just keeps getting worse, not better, and not knowing if it will ever stop. And then I have someone at the insurance company to thank for this denial and all the hell it brings on. Nothing like knowing I should be almost healed by now and back to work and on with my life had my surgery happened on the 2nd like it was scheduled.
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